It seems like any time we have some sort of significant life transition, my sinuses fill up and I can’t think straight through all the sneezing. I’m starting to wonder if a minor cold is one of my body’s stress reactions.
This weekend, my mother told me my grandfather is very worried about our jump into freelancing, so yesterday I took a moment to try to talk it all out with him. He clearly thinks we’re crazy, and I get that. He has a very traditional view of employment and division of labor in the home, and it worked really well for my grandparents throughout their life together. And what we’re about to jump into (T-minus four days!) must seem like a couple of lunatics walking straight into an inferno of insanity, dragging two innocent children along.
I get that. Some days, I feel that way, too. But I know we can’t keep plugging along like this, acting like nothing is wrong. Because this life? It’s just not right for us. I was looking over old blog posts from when V was born (I would link to our old blog, but believe me, there’s a lot of that stuff you don’t really want to read. I might transfer some of it over here some day, but if most of it vanished into the abyss, that really wouldn’t be much of a loss), and I was really struck by how dissatisfied I’ve felt all along. I mean, I knew that, but it’s different when you go back and see it. Also, I really do get a cold at every life transition – the beginning of both pregnancies, most of our moves, when Ben started his first corporate job… It’s crazy.
So, emboldened by the thought that instead of a cold, this might just be a stress-nose-thing (is that a thing? Because it feels like it is for me), we’re jumping in this week with ambitious (yet inexpensive) child-entertainment plans. If only it would stop raining!